she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
