anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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