Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
