All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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