saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
