I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
