so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
