Old men and throwing up are my life now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
