She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
