he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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