I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
