He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
