I wish I could teleport
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
