i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
