Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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