Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
