I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
