I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
