he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
