I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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