so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
