I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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