There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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