Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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