If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
