I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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