Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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