Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
