very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
