If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
