and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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