im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
