there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
