I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
