I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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