Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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