1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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