is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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