All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
