is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
