When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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