Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
