i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
