i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
