I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
