A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
