Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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