I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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