i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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