Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
