I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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