Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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