Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
