you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
